Specializations on co-addicted relations, international relations, family therapy, group therapy and psychosomatic
Psychologist, certified Geshtalt-therapist.
If you have a need to work on your relations, to find what is right for you, what is wrong,
If you are seeking for satisfaction in your life as well,
If you don’t feel well, but want to improve your physical conditions, you can contact me counseling or for geshtalt therapy, which really works.
I personally trust gestalt approach. It’s proved by my own experience in therapy (individually and groups) and also by the results of my clients for last 7 years.
Today my clients are regular people who are not satisfied with certain aspects of their life and want to improve their situation. Basically, those aspects consist of Relationships topics. Due to my previous experience working in big companies with expats, I’ve learned that there is a gap in culture understanding and a problem to socialize after a working day. Of course, there are a lot of options everywhere, especially in big cities, but it’s still stressful. Everyone understands that immigration makes life complicated: no friends, no relatives – it seems like you have to start everything all over again. Stress also affects all aspects of life, like the relationships with other people.
Also, there are relationships on the background that need improvement all the time. It’s very natural to have dynamics in relationships, it leads to more co-operation and satisfaction. And sometimes each of us faces hard times in relationships and needs to deal with it and make them work.
How can Gestalt therapy help?
In many cases stress is related to communication problems between people: whether there is not enough communication, lack of relationships or when the quality of the relationships does not meet our expectations.
In this case you don’t need to treat the stress, but just to find a better way to adapt to a new reality and learn from the mistakes of the past and be able to gain new experience. Actually, this is what Gestalt therapy is all about. Gestalt means image. And if the old perception of your image doesn’t work, you need to review the dots which compose that image and find another picture composed by the same dots. For example, if you see triangles and squares, you can review those dots into parallelepipeds or even circles. And there will be no more stress, because you’ll just have a different perspective of the reality!
We can do together your life better!
What co-addiction relations are?
We hardly can imagine non-addicted relationships between people. But where is «Norma», which relationships are sick and needs to be treated, and which not?
Let’s make it simple! I suggest to test just asking yourself one basic question: «Am I satisfied with my relations?»
For those, who are answering «YES» –– so take my greetings, I’m very happy for you! You are doing a good job together!
For those, who are answering «NO», I would just ask: «Why do you stay in the relationships?». Usually people answer, something like: «I still want to give a chance for him to change the attitudes». Or, there is advanced approach: «I’ll learn what should I do to make him love and respect me more…» But this is self-deception.
Anyway, don’t worry so much, there is a way out. Even if you are in the majority of those who don’t feel much happy in relations today, it doesn’t mean that’s forever, or you should be unhappy for the rest of your life. Because if you do it by your choice today, you can change your mind tomorrow and establish new approach. I’m here to help you and in a first step, to help to realise what do you want. And it doesn’t mean breaking relations at any cost, but it means to find YOUR way where you could feel the satisfaction, peace and love.
But how to solve? How to get to the point of satisfied relations?
First, it’s important to understand what you are looking for. The most typical answers from the people who has co-defence in a personal structure answer like this:
- «I just want to be loved. I don’t know whom to choose. I’m fine to be chosen with someone who gets in love with me»
- «I want him to fit me somehow» (which basically means «to fit ALL my emotional needs»)
- «I want that someone take care about me, about my needs»
- «I want to feel demanded»
- «I want to be protected»
- «I want to feel that I’m important for someone, there is a need in me»
And in some points all these issues are very natural and human. Because every of us want to be accepted by others, to be loved, to be cared in different aspects, and of course, to feel safe. But when we have only those needs for relationships, they will bring us to co-dependency.
First, let me point out 10 basic characteristics of co-dependent relationships, so you can check your relations:
- Making relations with imaginary image of a person. Usually, people make projections of a desirable image of the person, with whom they want to be, which won’t be adapted to the reality. So staying longer in the relations, we can live with the illusions and guesses of the person, never know who he or she is.
- Non interchangeable functions and roles between the partners. It can be like: «Our father is always working, our mother sits at home», — which is continuing for along time, when even there is no special need for mother to be at home longer with the children, but she is continuing to play the role of the mother who is «very demanded» and she can’t let herself to leave everyone for her interests (and probably the only her interest is the needs of children and even husband).
- «No» is not accepted. Usually we don’t like to get «No» from be-loved, because we might think that’s not enough love, or care, or something else. But in the reality, the relationships is like alive organism, which needs inhale and exhale. So the words «yes» and «no» makes the life circulation in the relations.
- Race for power. Dependent person often feels lack of value together of impotence in many aspect of the life (to change daily routine life, to find cool and joyful occupation (there is also ways no time for it or other reasons), and etc. So to compensate this person often brings extra value of him/herself into relations. Like: «Where would you be, I I wouldn’t support you», «I gave you a lot of effort for you to have a good education», etc.
- Expecting return of investments.It’s very natural for the person who makes the investment to expect in return. But for dependent person there is the only way. If dependent person invest time and money in children’s education, he or she will expect material and long-term support on retirement. In reality, it’s can be or not. Because children give back when they have love in the heart, or to avoid feeling of being guilty and judged by society.
- For dependent person to have what they want is very hard to be direct in messages. In the deep soul they don’t feel enough right to demand, but still they feel the need and trying to get it via manipulation. For example, they want children to take care of them, so they can manipulate on guilty and ashamed feelings: «I gave you love, care, education. It’s so ashamed to see you so indifferent…».
- Too much involved in someones’ life. Dependent person doesn’t like to live his/her own life (for many reasons). So always seeking for someone to live for him/her, to give advices and have full control of the life. This is paradise of dependent person!
- Dependent persons never can be thankful to the person with whom he/she in co-dependecy. Because he/she never can be satisfied enough. Something is always missing.
- Feeling not incomplete without someone else. That’s the meaning of the expression «I want to find my half»: meet someone to be with in relations and feel complete.
- Rely a lot on others opinions. People might tell you that you are wrong, that your feeling are not true, your intentions are not good enough. And if you often agree, it might be hard to have a trust to your self.
If you found at least 5 points out of 10, here there are some hints what can you start to do today:
- Breath to feel your body and release the blocking energy
- Learn more about your feeling and emotion (continuing breathing)
- Learn more about what do you like to do, to eat, to know, whom to meet, and etc.
- Check your resources (material, spiritual, interests, connections with other people)
- Find your therapist to learn more about the relations where you feel in dependency
- Find a group of people with the same problem to have more daily or weekly support
In the therapy with me you can:
- Have support in your crisis and difficult times in relationships
- Understand what do you want and find your way
- Learn more about yourself: feelings, needs and how to transmit them to others, resources and not only.
- Overcome not easy feelings: fear, shame, guilt
- Increase a self-esteem and get back your feeling of dignity
- Learn how to be in long-term relations and overcoming crisis
- How to enjoy others even they are different from you
Options to collaborate:
- Get the first consultation 20-minutes for free
- Get 10 sessions with the discount
- Ask psychologist in the form below on the relative topic
For any questions, please, contact me with the form below and get an answer with 24 hours.